I was a boy, and I didn't know how to be the man she needed.

I met her at my brother's wedding. Seriously, love at first sight. That didn't make it easy. The first year was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through, because there was so much growing to do. I grew up in a conservative Christian home, and I figured that was the formula for being a gentleman. I couldn't have been more wrong. It was a strong baseline, but I still needed to grow up and step up.

When it got real

We were driving to a nice Italian dinner, on me, after a promotion at work. We were having one of our frequent, deep conversations about the future. This time, she brought up her expectation that her husband would be a provider. When I asked what that meant, I found out my requirements: emotionally stable, pays the bills, no 50-50, doesn't charge her rent, manly, and so on. What?! Is that even possible in 2024?!

I was up in arms. It felt like the woman I'd risked everything for wasn't satisfied and wanted more. Mind you, I'd moved from sunny San Diego to cold Minnesota for this relationship. I'd already done enough, right? Right, guys?

The conversation ended kind of awkwardly and blew over. The expectation didn't. And since I didn't want to lose her, I committed to it. I didn't know how I was going to do it, but I would.

I had the same question every man I work with has. Can a guy like me actually do this?

What I found

I started pulling it apart. I asked men who were doing it well what they did each day, and they described something much smaller than I expected. They had direction. They stayed level when things got hard at home. They kept a little room in their money and their time. They showed up and stayed present.

Each of those can be learned. None of them required a man to stop being himself. And oddly enough, none of their advice had to do with money.

So I focused on the inner work first. Who was the version of Cole that could provide? What had to change inside me to become him? What did I need to overcome? Before I did any of the work, I read, listened and sought out everything I could find on masculine leadership and providing.

And once I finally took it seriously, the results were undeniable. The respect came. The trust grew. The admiration flourished. The income came, the bills were paid, and the provision began. Everything started to look easier, or at least clearer, than the cloudy question I'd started with: how do I even become a provider at 22?

Why one-on-one, and why 21 days

Most of the men I talk to don't want a year of sessions. They want to feel different in weeks, because something is coming: a baby, a wedding, a conversation they've been putting off. Or they just want a different dynamic in their relationship, and I can vouch that stepping up as the provider changes it. Three weeks is long enough to build the habits and short enough that you actually finish. One-on-one means we work on your life, with your job, your home and your timeline. It's personal implementation.

What Architect is for

Architect exists to help men build their lives on purpose. The idea is old and simple: a life built with intention holds up better than one that just happens to you. My long-term goal is to build a full academy of videos, programs, free resources and mentorship that answers an age-old truth: the world needs more good men. I'm equipped with the testimonies, proof, systems and scripture to help you become the provider she wants you to be.

How To Be The Provider She Wants in 21 Days is where we start.